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#BBNaija: Teddy A And BamBam Had Sex But As Usual, It’s The Woman Who Is Getting Crucified

It takes two to tango but obviously not when a woman is involved and there are blames to be apportioned.

So Big Brother Naija housemates, Teddy A and BamBam had sex in the bathroom early this morning and as expected the moral police have whipped out their batons, willing and ready to crucify one of the them. If you guessed BamBam, you’re absolutely right.

She’s been called cheap, classless and has been the butt of mean Twitter jokes  since the video got out. So much that one who didn’t see the video, might assume that BamBam had sex on National TV with herself.

But it is not exactly a shocker that BamBam is getting slut-shamed and vilified while Teddy A, is being made out to be some sort of hero. That’s the society we live in. Misogyny is so deeply ingrained in our culture that no matter what the situation is, the woman is always viewed as the defaulter.

In the famous words of the writer Chimamanda Adichie, “we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.” We encourage the man to be sexual and flaunt his macho but raise the woman to believe that it is some sort of crime to acknowledge or even embrace her sexy. Yet we turn around to blame her when the man cheats.

‘You didn’t look sexy enough.’ ‘You didn’t satisfy him in bed.’ ‘You didn’t give it to him whenever he wanted it.’ ‘You weren’t submissive.’ ‘You let another woman snatch your man…’

And then to the woman, he cheated with, ‘You are a whore.’ ‘You are loose.’ ‘You are a home breaker.’

But never for once is the man blamed, instead we make excuses for them. ‘Men are sexual creatures.’ ‘All men cheat.’ ‘Body no be fire wood‘.’

When isn’t it the woman ever at fault? If she enjoys it too much, she must be a whore. If she doesn’t, she is a log of wood. If she’s raped, she is blamed for dressing indecently, going out alone or late, or even seducing him.

Sigh.

At some point, we’d have to learn that just like men, women are human beings who have sexual needs that deserve to be satisfied. We’d have to learn to apportion as much blame, if we must, to the Teddy As of the world as much as we do the BamBams. Some day we would learn, but going by the tweets I saw on Twitter, that day is not today or in the nearest future. Sad!

 

Written by Chisimdi Nzotta

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