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Bills, Lonely Nights & All The Other Things No One Told You About Living Alone

Growing up, I was a champion of the moving out and living on your own cause. I still am. Largely. But lying helplessly on my bed on monday night with my whole body covered in hives and red patches because I’d eaten something I was allergic to earlier that day and there was nobody around to take me to the hospital got me rethinking this whole living alone thing.

Truth is, I wouldn’t have been in such a haste to move out if someone had warned me about how much of a ‘trap’ living on one’s own is.

If you’re planning on moving out anytime soon, this is by no means aimed at discouraging you but to prepare your mind for all of the things – some of which no one ever told you – that you will experience living on your own.

 Bills, bills and more bills…

This is the biggest challenge you’ll encounter as a live-alone. You think you’re doing well after you pay your first rent and move into your new house but then the bills start rolling in – security, waste, NEPA, water, it goes on and on – and you start wondering if you haven’t made the biggest mistake of your life.

Sleeping hungry…

You took it for granted when you used to come home to a steaming hot plate of food by your darling mother abi? You will cry and wish for those nights when after a very long day at work, you’re forced to go to bed on an empty stomach because you’re too exhausted to whip up something to eat.

Your phone becomes your best friend…

Now more than ever, you are going to appreciate your mobile phone and the important place it occupies in your life. It’s going to be the last “person” you look at before you sleep and the first you see when you wake up in the morning.

Lonely nights…

Akon’s “Lonely” will become the soundtrack of your life and you’ll find yourself missing struggling for bed space with your 5 siblings and 2 cousins who used to spend their holidays at your father’s house.

Rats…

One of two things will happen. You’ll either learn how to get rid of the rats or you’ll learn to co-habit with them peacefully – at least you get to have a roommate now.

Discovering the joys of African Magic…

I bet you never knew African Magic was this fun. When you find yourself watching the same movies over and over again, mastering every line and laughing at those corny jokes every single time, you’ll wonder how it took you so long to uncover this African housewife goldmine.

Dressing up is a chore...

 You don’t realise just how hard life is until you reach down your back to zip your dress.

So think it through, think hard. Are you really sure you want to do this?

Written by Njideka Akabogu

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