Dear Old Lover… I Played Beyoncé’s Poison Today & I Thought Of You

Dear old lover…

I played Beyoncé’s Poison at work today and it reminded me of you.

It was our song. Or no, it was mine. You just helped me sing it.

You played it while you robbed me of my innocence, of my trust, my confidence, and every other thing you could lay your hands on.

Hands. It reminded me of snuggling my soft hands into your large ones as we took evening strolls through the poorly lit streets of our small town where everybody knows everybody.

It reminded me of everybody who told me it wouldn’t work out and how they were right after all.

I was reminded of wet tongues and passionate kisses in your small red car. Of defences broken down without so much of an effort.

Of wild sex on the fourth floor of a students’ hostel.

Of giving my all and still feeling like it wasn’t enough.

Of addictions and obsession.

I played it and it reminded me of loss. Of unrequited love and heartbreak.

I hit the repeat button over and over again because I was finally listening to it after all these years and oh, did it feel good.

It reminded me of you but it was a distant memory. I could’ve sworn that all of you happened in another life.

Yes it reminded me of a happy time in a dark place but most importantly, it reminded me of growth, of healing, of how things that used to matter don’t really matter no more.

I played Beyonce’s Poison today and this is how I know I’ll live.