Naijapolitan Gal: Just Before Mothers’ Day

Everyone is aware of the often-murky waters of the relationships between mothers and daughters but when it comes to mothers, you can never cut enough slacks for these amazing creatures who carry and nurture and release. Just before Mother’s Day (Because there is March and then May celebrations for mothers), let’s keep silliness aside and dwell on this special kind of love for a moment.

Last night, the dream that kept me sleepless was one that I’d had many nights before. In it, I was a dreadlocked Angel levitating across the city, much like a fly on a wall, I could listen in to conversations inside the huge mansions behind high walls and huge gates. As always, there were crying women and lovers moaning on the throes of ecstasy. There was also houses inside which the carryings on bothered only on the abominable. But one house stood out and for the duration of last night’s episode of crazy dream, I listened in on an interesting conversation between a mother and a sick daughter. It is no longer news that I am a sucker for a good love story and I believe that the deepest kind of love and the kind worth dying for, is the one between a mother and her daughter and the love between two sisters biological or not.

Don’t get me wrong; passion is exhilarating; Romantic love is abso-freaking-lutely magical. Even a great one night stand packed full of steamy passion and mind-blowing orgasms can set the world right but nothing beats a mother’s love, it’ll be mothers’ day in a bit so I thought you’d enjoy this story of a sentence that stuck in my head. As I was gisting, in my dream or trance, while I hovered on my broom above the city (because, good witch), I heard this groaning child and her sleepless mother engaged in conversation and one sentence stood out for me: After the little girl said, “I want all our photos, mummy. I want to go to heaven with all our photos” the mother replied in a teary voice: “No baby. I’ll go to heaven first before I let anything take you away from me. We’re going to take many more photos. Me, you, and your own babies”.

I don’t know what happened to that sweet child but I hope she survived the illness and I hope there are many, many photo sessions with her mother and her kids in her future. I hope she gets to fall in and out of love, I hope she takes her first sip of red wine and I hope she finds true love and that her mother stays long enough to remind her, on her 50th birthday, of those beautiful words. What stuck with me and what I want to share with you is the part about making endless memories with our mothers or the women who have so gallantly filled that role in our lives.

If you are a mother or you have a mother you’d know how mothers try their best to make childhood memorable for their children. I still remember those fluffy princess dresses and the matching shoes. I remember fun parties and sweet treats as well as lots and lots of photographs and everyday (thanks to social media) there are cute mother-daughter pictures with matching clothes and big smiles. But what do we do about those memories once the daughters grow up and the mothers grow old? Apart from the wedding pictures when was the last time you and your mama got glammed up and had a photoshoot just for the heck of it? When was the last time you took your mama along for those fun weekends and spa retreats? In the spirit of maternal love that we are about to celebrate, below are the foolproof ways to make memories with the most important woman in your life and the woman who despite all her flaws, loved you even before she saw what you looked like.

 

• Mother-Daughter dates are a thing

 

You think Mama wouldn’t want a trip to Wakanda? Think again. No matter what type your mother is, a good movie date with Mum is a real winner and like every other date night, you can catch dinner at a fancy place next. Even though your mum loves to cook and criticize other people’s food, thirty minutes of being waited on, and some time alone with her daughter can literally elongate a mother’s life.

 

• Plan a pamper weekend

 

You see, Mum isn’t going to be around forever.  Get glammed up and have that photoshoot with your mother! I remember watching an interview of the Nobel laureate Toni Morrison where she describes how she spent money from her book, The Bluest Eye. According to her, with the 3000 dollars she got from her book, she took her mother and two other family members to Aruba on Vacation and after they returned, her mother kept gushing about how they were served and had their towels and sheets changed every day. For an elderly black woman who probably spent her youth washing and cleaning for white people, it was such a life-altering experience which Toni said she effusively described to anyone who cared to listen, every day afterwards. So, yeah, slot in Mama into those spa weekends. Has your Mama spent a night in a really nice hotel before? Chew on this one.

 

• Giving is the only true proof of love

 

A few days ago, I read a hilarious tweet about a grandmother whose driver was pulled over by the police and when she was asked about her occupation, she replied, “Enjoyment. Because my children take care of me”. I made a mental note to make my mum that grandma someday. Truthfully, what kind of slay Queen would you be if your mother has never arrived at a meeting with a handbag that had the women of your kindred green with envy? Get a piece of paper and write down all the important gifts you’ve ever given the woman who gave you life. If you feel great by the time you’re done then you are one MVPs. The crux of the matter is that gifts, no matter how small, show our loved ones that they are in our thoughts. And for a mother, having her face light up every once in a while, is one of the greatest rewards a mother and a daughter can share.

 

• Let Mama live vicariously through you!

 

In this regard, think about just one thing should matter. If your mother endured an abusive marriage. Do. Not. Your mother might be the one person who would advice against walking away from a toxic relationship because she has so internalized abuse until she probably doesn’t know anything different. The truth, however, is that if you refuse to stay, your mother would secretly admire you and even if she never says it out loud, you would have her utmost respect and she would live vicariously through you!

Next week, I’ll gist you about a mother who did the craziest, freakiest thing ever.

Happy mothers’ day in advance

Take care of each other