Nneoma Otuegbe: A True Father Is Not A Passerby Who Contributes His Sperm To Make A Child

Fatherhood is a sacred calling, a lifelong commitment to a child that starts from the moment a woman you have been happily having sex with, whispers those words, ‘I’m pregnant’.

I once told a girlfriend to pay attention to the first look on his face when she made her announcement. ‘What does it matter?’ She asked. Oh it matters. It does matter. I believe that a woman reserves the right to choose whether to surrender her body to another human being for almost a year and then have to deal constantly, sleepless with that person or persons for the rest of her life but once she makes that choice to meet the mysterious soul lurking within her body, she is automatically a mother. 

Oprah Winfrey once said that biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. I love Oprah but I disagree. This saying is only for fathers.

 Once a woman gives birth to a child, she has been a mother for nine months already as opposed to a man who deposits his wonderful child-making seed into a woman’s body and takes off. A woman is committed from day one- her body changes, she feels awful and yet she tries to be fine for herself and the person growing within her. A woman’s nurture begins way before she meets her child, so she is a mother whether she ends up meeting the child or not and even if she loses the pregnancy as a result of her choice or that of nature, she is the one who cries and feels dreadful pains and feels the guilt of not being strong enough to meet her child. Can we say the same for the genetic contributor who says things like, ‘When did you miss your flow?’ or ‘But we agreed to do this when we buy a house’ or whatever nonsense slips out of his tongue the moment he realizes that a woman he has been all too happily having sex with, is carrying his child.

Here is how you know a true father:

1. His job starts from before he meets the child (And he’s excited about it).

A true father knows that one of the resultant effects of the beautiful sexual encounters he has with a significant other is pregnancy, so he expects it. He prepares for it by rising to the occasion and marrying the woman he loves in order to ensure that his child is born into a home. On the other hand, if they both have beliefs where marriage does not validate a relationship, he is ready to receive news of the birth of his child and eager to go through the period of nurturing and waiting with the woman. He is always there.

2. He is a part of his child’s life.

A true father does not tell himself that whether he is there or not, his child would grow up one day and look for him, he is a resident and present figure that is committed to the wellbeing of his child. He asks questions, he changes diapers, he does chores, he plays and he teaches and helps his child through life and if for whatever reason he only gets to see his child once or twice a week, he makes the most of that time, he shows his child that a separation, a divorce or illness can not stand in his way.

3. He is a friend and confidante.

A true father does not stand on a high pedestal and throw orders around. He is a friend to his child, someone they can trust and open up themselves to without fear of not being accepted or believed in. A true father shows his children how to love and be responsible adults by living out the life he wants them to emulate.

A TRUE FATHER IS NOT A PASSERBY WHO CONTRIBUTES HIS SPERM TO MAKE A CHILD. ANY FOOL CAN DO THAT AND ENJOY IT!