It’s a rainy Thursday morning in Lagos and you’re convincing yourself to get out of bed, into the shower and out of the front door for another long day at the office.
In between all of this you are inwardly remarking to yourself that this morning is meant for laying in bed beside someone you like too much and who has warm skin you can cuddle up close to…
Then you remember you’re single as can be and you sober up.
One day, you say to yourself, I’ll shoot my shot successfully and not fail but live happily ever after. Sadly, you have no idea how to accomplish this as you always seem to end up not only completely missing the net but shooting offside.
Oh the tragedy that is your love life. Worry not, I’m here to present the guide to shooting your shot on social media where I teach you all the things I wish I’d known before learning how to up my game.
1. You’re hot but we didn’t need a nude photo as proof
You’re one fine piece of human that God took an entire week to create, you made your point with all those selfies you frequently post. But if you’re attempting to catch the attention of your crush, sending a nude that wasn’t asked for or expected to their DMs is not the way forward.
If you must send a photo, send a meme or don’t send anything at all.
2. Those jokes are not funny, abort mission
You can swear your friends were in stitches the last time you told that corny joke for the 107th time and chances are, they have heard it to. It might sound like a good idea in your head but once you’ve typed it and pressed send, there is no coming back from that.
Your reputation has been smeared forever and the chances of the person replying with anything other than a halfhearted ‘lol’ is extremely low. The rule is: don’t tell jokes, they’re much better left in your head.
3. Memes help to break the ice
There’s no other way to slide into he DMs like sending a funny meme which declares your intention of being there while showing you have a sense of humor. It’s less threatening and serves as a great icebreaker to start up a conversation.
Even if you both never end up together, you’ll most likely be friends because I mean who in this digital age doesn’t want to be friends with someone that completely understands the art of memes?
4. Don’t be a pest, know when to go away
So you sent that “You there?” message and they never replied but you see them retweeting or liking Instagram posts. It’s fine, take your L and proceed to swiftly move on with your life, it’s not the end of the world. No one likes a pest especially on social media where we mostly all come to escape the reality of our lives so try not to become one by repeatably attempting to get their attention by spamming their inbox.
If it’s clear it’s not gong well, it’s fine to move on.
5. Be subtle and go slow
If there’s nothing else you’ll remember, it should be this. You can’t shoot your shot with, “So you gonna lemme have a taste of that snack in between your legs?” You sound like a creep and quite frankly should be blocked with no room for consideration in the future.
You may have a crush on them but diving head first into the deep end is not the way to go. Strike up a conversation about a shared interest. Build a sense of familiarity and then you move in for the kill.