Anjolaoluwa Abiosun
In Africa, marriage is seen as a sacred union. Through sickness, health and even discomfort, you are advised to stick with it to the end. Women are encouraged to stay with their cheating partners, and men are advised to put up with their obnoxious spouse. As sad as that sounds, it’s the reality of the society we live in.
However, an awakening occurred, and people have become more self-aware and specific about what they want in their partners, which has led to a rise in divorce cases. These splits, especially between prominent couples, have triggered questions on whether a ‘happily ever after’ marriage is truly achievable.
Around the world, various factors have contributed to the alarming increase in divorce cases, and Nigeria is not an exception. Factors like incompatibility, shotgun weddings, infidelity and more have contributed to these splits.
In Nigeria, the number of divorce cases in the FCT in 2020 reached an alarming rate, with over 200 marriages reported to have been dissolved by the FCT High Court that year alone.
According to the United States’ National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 4-5 million people get married every year in the U.S, and 42-53% of those marriages eventually end in divorce.
Although there are no specific ways and no one size fits all procedure to reduce the rate of divorce in Nigeria, there are important subject matters that couples need to discuss before they tie the knot to reduce the risks of ending up in a divorce.
1. Perspective on religion
We’re in the 21st century, and it’s widespread knowledge that people have championed the narrative that you can marry anyone regardless of religion. That is not a lie.
However, if discussions are not had about how you will navigate your beliefs following your marriage, you have just added unnecessary problems to your relationship.
A discussion on issues regarding denominations in religion is also pertinent. Pentecostals might have reservations about some practices by Catholics and likewise. Even if you love your partner enough to overlook it, are you sure you can tolerate the practices for a lifetime?
2. Spending and Finances
Opposites attract should not be the case when it comes to handling your finances as a couple.
Reason with your partner on how they handle their finances and how you handle yours. Have conversations on how both of you intend to manage the home, settle bills, and even save. The goal is to find a middle ground without completely sidelining the other person. Don’t go into a lifelong commitment like marriage blindsided.
3. Childbearing and Rearing
Nannies, househelps, school choices, corporal punishments – what are your partner’s views on this? If you have no idea, you should probably ask questions. Without complete clarification, you can become a ‘monster’ in your home without setting out to be one when you decided to punish your kids in a certain way, and your partner considers it an abuse.
You might need nannies and housekeepers, but what is your partner’s opinion about them? Is it something that could cause a stir and instability in the home? Couples could conveniently avoid fights if you’ve had this discussion before and now have a common ground.
4. Genotype
Knowing your partner’s genotype is a necessity. No child deserves to go through sickle cell crises because their parents didn’t do due diligence. With the rampancy of fake results; it’s advisable to get your tests done more than once.
5. Family
Family is everything; they are an essential part of your existence as an individual. What does your partner think about you sending money to your family on a monthly basis? What do they think of your family’s practices in general? Are they comfortable with them?
These are pertinent questions that would save you from having to douse unnecessary tension when your family and partner get to meet each other while you’re married. It would also greatly determine how your future children will interact with your family.
No one says you should write a list and put your partner on the hot seat like they are having an interview. If you pay attention to their reactions and opinion on issues, you are more likely to understand their views on these issues; listen or, better still, just ask, but don’t choke them with questions.
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