Proposals are beautiful, absolutely. There’s almost nothing as romantic as a man going down on one knee, presenting you a ring, looking you in the eye and asking you to be his wife. Sometimes there are flowers and music and people watching with admiration and all those orishi rishi.
The moment can be so beautiful you’d forget to do the right thing and then make decisions that’d change your future in ways you never bargained for. Before you agree to be a man’s wife and do the forever journey with him, here are important things you need to know.
1. You deserve nothing less than the best
Don’t ever believe you should manage a man that isn’t entirely what you want. Don’t ever agree that men are scarce and marriage defines a woman. Don’t ever believe you deserve anything less than the best. You may think for instance, that you can’t have a man who will be faithful and caring and responsible at the same time and as such decide to settle with one who is faithful and caring but not responsible. I don’t advice this.
In looking for the best which you deserve, however, know that you best make yourself fit for it. You want the best, the question is, ‘Will the best want you?’. You can’t be loving for a graduate and have just birth certificate. You can not want a man who is faithful and be a serial cheat.
Yes, you deserve the best but make yourself fit for the best which you deserve.
2. You can say ‘No’
Marriage is beautiful but only so when it’s with the right person. No matter how long you both have been together, what you have shared, what he has done for you and even what people think, you can say ‘no’ to his proposal if you want or if you have doubts.
That he asked you doesn’t be you should say ‘yes’. That your family and friends think he’s right doesn’t mean you should say ‘yes’. You should only say yes because you want to spend the rest of your life with him and nothing less. If that’s not how you feel or you aren’t ready yet, politely reject his proposal.
Your happiness is everything, do not take it for granted.
3. There is no guarantee he will change
Sis, it’s not true that a man can not change. We can do anything we put our minds to. He can stop smoking. He can stop cheating. He can stop spending carelessly. He can stop checking other women out when you are there. He can stop being disrespectful. He can change to whatever but I tell you baby girl, there is no guarantee.
If it is something you can’t deal with, don’t agree to marry him hoping he will change. There are changes he will and there are chances he won’t. Marriage is not a gamble. If there is something about him you can not deal with, please think again.
4. Be ready to give what you expect
It takes two to be married, never forget. While you think of all you want in a marriage, know that there are things he wants too. Think of his needs and be ready to give what you expect. Be ready to show care too, be ready to spend time with the family too, be ready to communicate too, be ready to show love and affection too, be ready to do everything you expect in a relationship. Marriage is not 70:30 or 60:40 or 10:90 or anything unequal. Marriage is 50:50.
It’s highly important too to understand that you too should be involved in the finances. You too should spend. It’s ridiculous to hear people say that the man’s money is for the family and the woman’s money is for her. To think that these are the same people that want equality. Don’t get me wrong, we are not talking equality or feminism or any of that now. We are talking what is right and what will make your marriage as beautiful as it should be. In marriage give everything you expect to be given.
5. Marriage isn’t always forever
In as much as we do not hope for this, it’s important to have it in mind. Unlike what we were told as kids and still are told, marriage can be ended when need be. Some women are told by their parents, ‘Once you leave my house, never return. If you have problems with your husband, sort it out with him. Never ever leave him. Do not bring shame to us.’ Sadly, this has ruined a lot of lives.
If things aren’t working and you both have tried to resolve it but it isn’t working, for your health – mentally especially- you should annul the union. Instead of being unhappy, work out. You have the option of divorce, know this.