‘Dear Toke, You Held On For Way Too Long’ – Relationship Coach Happiness Osas Weighs In

First of all, I’m not here to judge. So, if any part of my comment sounds judgemental, please forgive me.

I’m writing this to every lady out there that is in this same situation that Toke was in. Just look at this as a way to avoid some of the things she passed through.

So, where do I start from? (pondering)

OK, I’ll start from when Toke first met Maje. They met on the same day her boyfriend broke up with her. I mean, yeah, they had seen each other earlier but then it wasn’t a big deal even though her friend had told her he said ” the sun shone from her backside”.He ended up in the same club where her boyfriend was and he got her number so he could check up on her and they eventually talked for hours and started dating.

Here’s my thought on that. You just got out of a relationship, if you were really as sad and crying like you said, the last thing you would wanna do is start up something with someone new. I wouldn’t even give you my number.

You had your friend look through his phone (wrong or maybe right to some people) and your friend told you there’s a girl that kept calling him baby but you chose to ignore.

Anyways, they started dating and less than 4 months into their relationship, she thought they hadn’t had sex because he didn’t find her attractive enough. ( I used to think every girls dream was to meet a guy that wouldn’t ask for sex, maybe I was wrong though).

First, it was Hauwa, then Aisha that was obviously a live-in girlfriend. And then, Anita! All these was within 6 months of dating.

If I knew Toke personally, at this point I would have told her to severe every connection. She had someone that always gave her informations about the girls Maje was seeing, I would be grateful that I had that much information.

I could go on and on about Anita, the first baby mama and other girls.
She broke up and made up with him a million times. She said she lived in constant fear of losing Maje. (I thought you only lose what you had?)

Dear Toke, I think your fear, like you later stated, was, you were scared of starting over with someone new.. But wouldn’t it have been better though?

I remember reading the part his mum told you, “God will give you your own husband” and his sister, when she also told you, “don’t marry my brother unless you hear God directly”. That was all you needed to move on. I would run and not look back. I once dated someone whose elder brother told me to leave him because he would waste my time and I left. They obviously saw something you closed your eyes to.

Fast forward to standing you up at the altar/registry 3 different times.
Standing you up once was more than enough. You probably thought marriage would change him just as you later thought maybe having a child would save your marriage. (Deep sigh).

Dear toke, at first I was really mad at you, maybe I’m still a little bit mad at you and I’ll tell you why. You held on for way too long. I expected you to leave when it was barely 6 months old. Someone might say, she was in love and love is blind. Love isn’t blind. We are the ones that close our eyes to what we know is wrong.

But at the end of the day, the deed is done. Thank goodness you didn’t listen to those that said you should still fight for your marriage, your man. You fight for someone that’s fighting for you. Fighting to be with you too or you’re wasting your time.

And although I believe in second chances, you ran out of that while you were still dating. My friend Vienne once said to me, if you can’t handle a cheating partner, don’t bother marrying them. You’ll go crazy trying to change them.

Here’s to every lady, if you aren’t happy where you are or with whom you’re with, LEAVE. Don’t allow the fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something as great as love. Don’t let it keep you rooted in a spot. Because at the end, that thing you were scared would happen would eventually happen.

And yes, Toke, I do want to give you a hug too, because, you went through some things I would never wish upon my enemy. Like I said in the beginning, I’m not judging you, I like and admire you a whole lot. It takes a strong person to come out to the world and share their story.

You kept trying to hang on to something even though you knew it was gone. And that’s the only thing you did wrong. You had the right mindset but applied it to the wrong person. You had the right intention but geared it in the direction of the wrong individual. You had the right heart but it was meant for a man not a boy who treats you wrong.

I hope you find that true love you crave for. True love does exist. You are the queen a king is praying for. You deserve so much better.