Fine Food, Fine Bobos & Football – Iretomiwa’s UCL Story

I don’t understand shi shi about football. The words ‘cross’, ‘pass’, ‘header’ mean a whole different thing to me than it does to the next person. But, I’ve switched jobs recently and now I’ve gotta know a little something about everything. A month ago, I decided to go to a football viewing centre for the first time in my life. All the bars were filled except one crazy looking viewing centre at the top of a building in Ogba. I couldn’t enter because the small room was filled to the brim with angry looking guys. They looked like they could punch my hair off my scalp! My imagination was in over-drive. I was slightly scared. Okay – slightly – is putting it a little softly.  I was scared. Plain and simple. You could smell the football and anger in the air. But as the strong chick that I am forming to be, I decided that I was going to watch it to the end.  It was a UEFA Champions League match, Real Madrid vs PSG. I stood outside jejeli, watching half of the screen. I was a little uncomfortable but alright. That was until somebody (don’t ask me who) scored a goal and the entire place scattered. One guy started shaking the gate in excitement. Come and hear noise! On top wetin? ‘I used my back to slowly inch out of the place.’ Kilode? Last thing I heard was some guy drawling, “Ahn Ahn fine geh, come na…” Don’t even get me started on the guy that burst into tears when Madrid won the game.No be small cry o!

I said I was never going to a viewing centre again. Ever! But umm, fast forward to this Tuesday and I found myself at a Heineken UCL Viewing centre at Ember Creek, V.I., Lagos. In my defence, I didn’t go there voluntarily. It wasn’t against my will but… well… Ok, nothing I explain right now will help. Ironically it was the 2nd leg of the match I had watched a month earlier.

I had heard a couple of things beforehand. There was going to be drama. That was what they had been shouting all over social media – #ShareTheDrama. That there will be plenty of fine guys there. One chick even used the words– ‘hot and fresh’ (sometimes a girl just wants to go ‘eye-candy viewing’). And that there was nothing small about the small chops.

I went in early and the view of the setting sun at Ember Creek was stunning!

But you see, those girls that were whispering in my ears did not tell me that the ushers were going to be lepa hotties that won’t allow the fine bobos look at your side. Hehehehehe. It was so bad that when one of the girls in green floated by me, the babe beside me disappeared a normal babe and returned a slay queen. Whoever you are, kudos girl! Finding husband in dis Lagos na hard work.

Before the game, chilled glasses of Heineken and super delicious small chops were flowing (an event after my own heart…sigh.) The small chops deserve its own story (Chronicles of The Small Chops or Black Panther: Small Chops Edition).

Anyways, true to gist fine bobos started to arrive o. I met a lot of people…. (What was I ever doing in an Ogba viewing centre for Heaven’s sake?!) Anyways, the match started and this guy, Dotun, (Yoruba demon Alert!) and I got gisting. It was fun and light until the match started.

Guys, I don’t know how to explain it o. See eehn, I forgot the guy by my side and started watching ball o. I don’t know how it happened. I like to believe my village people followed me there. I knew it was bad when I almost knocked off the glass of beer from Dotun’s hand. Chisos! Because of #PSGRMA (see how bad it is, I know the hashtag).

So ummm, I might be at the next activation (who am I kidding, I’m definitely going to be there…) and if you see me screaming at the screen please know that my village people have upgraded their tracking system.

-Iretomiwa!