Lagos Party Survival Guide

 

By Anuoluwapo Komolafe

 

OK……..so that’s how the only really fun activities in Lagos revolve around food, party or both.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am not about any of them

1. I am watching my waistline and all this #fitfam must not go in vain.
2. I like my peace and quiet too much.

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Seeing as that I am a single Lagos girl ready to mingle and at least ready to meet potential Baes, I have to ditch comfort and reinforce myself with waist trainers, spanx and body magic (the struggle is real).

Before I package myself for the girl’s night out this Friday, I have decided to share these tips with all my friends so we don’t go and embarrass ourselves outside but of course I am going to sneak in a few pointers for my blokes out there(I gat you).

1. Always have your ATM Card and Vex Money handy because P.O.S network can decide to disappear and you don’t want to end up wearing your Christian Louboutin heels in the restaurant or lounge kitchen washing plates or God help you, and your date is an ass (like the animal or broke ass) and decides to leave you stranded. Which ever way you end up embarrassed.

   

2. Have a Cab Driver’s number on hand

Lagos roads are not smiling, you enter a pot hole and your night can be ruined. Have  a personal cabbie on speed dial that can turn up anytime you need him plus I know my friends can get a bit too excited and unless we want to end up under 3^rd mainland bridge, we need a ride home after all the ‘turn up’.

3. Phone and Supporting gadgets

Of what use is a Cab guy’s number if your phones are dead.

i. Always have a ‘small phone’ or ‘palasa’ on hand that’s the only way to live in lagos (in some dark areas, you keep your Iphone 6S under your wig and bring out your Nokia torchlight.

ii. Have a portable modem or Mi-fi because we need data to upload all that ‘fleekage’ on Instagram and Snapchat, it is always sweeter on the go, as e dey hot!!)

iii. If you don’t have a power bank, please don’t bother leaving home.

4. Breath mint, breath spray or Chewing gum

There is nothing more unsexy than stale breath and like I said ‘looking for potential bae’. Nuff Said…….

5. Change of Clothes

This should not come as a surprise for those familiar with the Lagos Party scene, you can go from club to dinner to wedding and back to the club again. Thank God for body-con dresses, they fit in any sturdy clutch. You can shift from short to long dress in bathroom speed.

6. Never go alone

A fool with a partner is better than a fool alone – I just coined that or at least I think so…..anyways, Imagine how you look when you go somewhere and you are just sitting alone, except you are sure of someone coming to meet you up or a place where the man to woman ratio is 20 to 1 meaning a guy will definitely come and talk to you.

NOTE:

i. If you are on the hunt for bae like me, please don’t go with 10 of your friends, no guy will come talk to you when you are with 9 other friends except he definitely wants to wife you

ii. Never go with a friend that is finer than you if you guys are just 2, because you know how that goes #thirdwheel.

iii. Always eat before you go for anything even if you are the one organizing the party, caterers know how to mess people up and if you are supposed to meet someone up for dinner don’t starve yourself all day expecting to eat a feast later. God help you your date takes you to all those restaurants where a N10,000 plate of rice = 1 tablespoon. Truth be told, your date probably ate Eba or Starch before coming to meet you.

iv. Be protected

Have on hand condoms and the morning after pill…

(a)  AIDS is REAL, e no dey show for face

(b) Some guys are slow like that, in the heat of the moment they will now start running to look for open ‘aboki’ or chemist shop #lastma

(c) One time can also be = Belle

(d)  Have it on hand and don’t be foolish enough to fall for skin to skin no matter how drunk you are, ENSURE YOU USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

(e)  Ideally you should not use it, which type of guy will take you seriously if you give away the cookie on the first date??

Disclaimer: Giving away the cookie on the first date has worked for some people, I can assure you it will not work for you…..lol….just kidding. Just proceed with caution.

9. DRESSCODE: Everything on fleek

i. Get you face beat by one of those makeup artistes that charge N10,000 and above

ii. You had better be on team natural that is the only acceptable excuse these days for not having Mongolian and Hungarian hair on fleek

iii. If you don’t have Christian Louboutin Shoes, go and borrow or STEAL IT!!

1v. Cleavage, arms and legs on display………that’s a clear idea of the kind of outfit to wear.

• FOR MEN

Dress in the Lagos Party School uniform; White on white trad (Buba and Shokoto) with crested loafers and you are Bae in the eyes of every Lagos girl.

 

Have fun!!!!!!

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