Mofijesusewa Samuel
I have been reading about young married couples deciding to open their marriages, and I am beyond intrigued. I decided to dig a little more into the subject as I wondered why anyone would want to try something that could potentially destroy their relationships. I learned a few things and ultimately decided it wasn’t for me (I’m WAY too jealous), but I could understand why it may make sense to other people.
My deep-dive showed me that partners decide they want their largely monogamous relationship to loosen some of the rules they would traditionally have to follow. Some of those reasons include wanting to explore their sexualities, getting turned on by watching their partners in sexual positions with others, mismatched libidos, or even something as simple as killing boredom.
Whatever the motivating factor, there are specific rules both partners must follow. These guides will keep you from destroying your relationship.
1. Don’t do it to fix the issues in your relationship: If you are thinking about opening up your relationship because you are trying to fix some issues, don’t. The best way to make an open relationship work is to build a solid foundation and trust each other. If you open your marriage up to fix issues like cheating, it will come crashing like stacked dominoes and end in tears.
2. Make sure your partner is on the same page: if you are even thinking about bringing up the issue of opening up your monogamous relationship, you have to make sure it’s something your partner wouldn’t mind. Start by asking shallower questions about the subject and gently bring it up. Don’t force it if they are not feeling it.
3. Create a set of guidelines: Both of you need to sit down and talk about all the things you would be comfortable trying. Discuss what works and what doesn’t. Then create your own set of rules, tailored solely for both of you.
4. Talk about everything: communication is fundamental for any relationship, especially one involving other partners. You should be open and expressive. Talk about everything as respectfully as you can, and never sneak around.
5. Make sure your principal partner is your priority: This cannot be oversold. Your partner must be the most significant person when you’ve opened up your relationship. They need to feel like you are not distracted by other external affairs you are having. You have to put them first.
6. Set emotional and physical boundaries and stick to them: As you are creating your rules of engagement, also set up boundaries and make sure you do everything to stick to them. While open relationships are not synonymous with cheating, anyone who strays from set boundaries has cheated.
7. Confront Your insecurities and jealousy as they pop up: You may think you are ready to be in an open relationship, only to find that you are still figuring things out. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you deal with any jealousy or insecurity that may come up because of this new phase in your love life.
8. Keep your expectations in check: Don’t expect too much from your external partners, and try not to get attached to any external partner. Also, avoid hopes that your new partners will somehow help to change or affect things with your main partner.
9. Be safe: Discuss safety and preventive measures against STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Make sure both of you are being very safe.
10. A sex therapist: Get a sex therapist! Nigerians like to form ‘hard guy’ way too much. But this is not the place for that attitude. Whether or not you want it, things will get hard. You’ll need someone with expertise and experience to tide you through. If you choose to handle it all by yourselves and it blows up in your face, don’t say nobody warned you.
Now that you have this perfect guide to tide you through – go into the world and flourish. But remember to stay safe, follow our guide, and come back to tell us how things worked out for you and your partner.
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