Diamond-Hope Kingston
If you live in Lagos, the chances are remarkably high that a married man has gone out of his way to woo you and win your heart over. Never mind that he claims he’s “happily married” on his social media alongside posting adorable photos of his children with cliche captions.
A lot of women are quite frankly fed up of married men and their recycled lines because really, the least they could do is be a little creative.
Sadly, we’re left with married men who have refused to focus on their families and simply will not take no for an answer from any other female. While we aren’t here to discuss the entitlement of men, in general, it is worth hinting that no, Mr I-drive-a-shiny-car I do not want to hop in and no, you can’t persuade me to either.
But back to why we are here, here are a few ridiculous lies married men tell when attempting to woo women.
1. “I’m only married small”
I kid you not. The other day I brought it up in the office and everyone instantly said “What?!” because what on earth do you mean when you say that? I have no idea what married men attempt to achieve by downplaying their wives role in their lives. It won’t make us find you any more attractive than the first time we saw you so stop, please.
2. “I’m the jealous type”
This is intensely perplexing but I’ll attempt to break it down. A married man walks up to you and declares his interest. You reply, as a way of getting him to back off, that you have a boyfriend and he tells you this.
He’s the married one, you’re the one with a boyfriend who for all God know could become an ex at any minute but he’s jealous you have someone else. Perplexing stuff I tell you.
3. “I’m married too”
You up your game a little bit and think, “well I’ll say I’m married too!” But the joke is on you, not only does it fail to serve as a deterrent but he even has the perfect reply to give you. He tells you he’s married too while he waves his own wedding band with a dismissive air.
You’re left standing there gobsmacked while he proceeds to narrate the steamy love affair you could both engage in without the knowledge of your partners.
4. “I wish I had met you before I married my wife”
I know they somehow believe that this is a compliment to women they are wooing but what does that even mean? If we’re going by that line of thought then is it safe to wonder what happened to all the women you did meet before you met your wife? Even if you had met me before you met your wife would you have married me?
There are way too many questions left unanswered when it come to this declaration. It also has to be one of the worst things married men say too when you think about how his wife probably does her best to keep him happy. Sigh.
5. “I will make you happy”
You have a wife and that is who you owe the responsibility of happiness too, not me and the entire girls’ hostels in UNILAG. Unless you’re Jesus I don’t see how you can go around promising other people’s daughters that you’ll make them all happy.
But now we think about it, you could make us happy – by going away.
6. “I’ll look after you properly”
Although very similar to the previous line mentioned, it’s entirely different. When a married man pulls up a seat at your table in a barely lit bar where you were sat peacefully sipping a cocktail and says this, well it’s insulting. When you think about it deeply you realize that this stranger just insinuated that you’re not properly catered for and he has to do it himself.
Feel free to throw your drink at him and exit the building darling, you deserve better.
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