Njideka Akabogu
LOL. So we’ve all had that one sexual encounter that we all look back at and maybe giggled a bit but I bet you it’s nothing like this guy’s story.
The Kenyan Twitter user tells of how his ex’s obsession with BDSM after she saw Fifty Shades of Grey nearly sent him to his early grave.
He made a long but absolutely interesting and oh-so-hilarious thread about the experience.
Here is a kind of abridged version of his story (*18+):
This is my worst sexual experience fam????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
That “50 Shades of Grey” movie that came out in 2013 really got some of you chics worked up with some fucked up BDSM fantasies
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I had this girlfriend, now ex, who was always up with this craziness.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I used to call her Kabu, short for Kabooby coz…big boobs, it was just those cheeky nicknames you give each other when you are dating
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We actually met late 2014, dated through to early 2016. But this BDSM thing from that “50 shades” movie was nailed into her head yaani.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
But I always turned it down because it’s just not my thing to be honest. To make it worse, she wanted to dominate me.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I don’t trust people tying me up around and shit. I’m just like that
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
It became a source of arguments. A simple “give me a blowjob babe” will turn into a debate & before we solve it, my dick needs re-starting.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Mara ooh you always get the kind of sex you want but you always turn down what I want, mara ooh I don’t think you love me anymore.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I had swallowed a crowbar na hiyo story, no bending, Strong.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
This went on for months, then suddenly, any white male started looking like that character Christian Grey. Now I can’t forget his name
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
This went on for months, then suddenly, any white male started looking like that character Christian Grey. Now I can’t forget his name
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We are there watching a movie, “Babe, si he looks like Christian?”. “Ati Christian, who is that?” I asked.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“Si Christian Grey ule wa Shades!” And then I was like…this shit again. Argument pap! Halafu silent treatment whole week.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We are walking in Village Market, a white guy passes, she nudges and whispers, “Aki ona Christian.” “Who?”, I always forgot. “Si Christian!”
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“You need to stop with this obsession Kabu,” I was exhausted. “How about we start talking about your obsessions?” She starts it again.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She was like a small child when it came to these BDSM fantasies
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Apart from this BDSM obsession nonsense she was quite a good girl so we always patched things up.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
However, like three months before her birthday…she had pushed me to the wall.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Babe, for my birthday me I just want some BDSM session with you.” I was tayaaad. “Fine then”
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She was taken aback, “For real?”…”Yeah sure,” I replied casually. “Sawa I’ll make arrangements.” She was excited.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We are going to settle this once and for all.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Now, after agreeing me I forgot hizo story. Kumbe girlfriend is making significant arrangements.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Apparently she started planning for it like two months to her birthday, which was in August 2015.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
The big day…phone reminder nini nini, I sent her an early morning text. You forget her birthday and you are singo again guys.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We talked during the day, but she didn’t let me know that she had told her friends that the bash would be on Sato instead.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Me Friday after job, bought a gift and by 6p.m. I was on my way to Kitisuru. She was already home from work too.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I got to the gate, I called her to come open it for me. Then she said she has told someone to open it.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Mimi huyo jumping up the stairs that design Obama used to climb up the stairs into Airforce One.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I knocked at the door, and I felt something was missing. There was only a pair of shoes at the door, hers. Plus it was quite silent.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She opened the door…wahala.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She looked like this fam…I shit you not???? pic.twitter.com/2Wd1a15mjl
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Wueh…I had totally forgotten this shit. I was rooted to the ground. She quickly pulled me in before someone passes and sees her.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Bruh, I get into the house, just me and her, and that place looked like a terrorist interrogation center.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
In my mind I was like what in the actual fuck mahn. My mouth felt dry, like I’m trying to chew sawdust
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Here’s another picture to generally illustrate this. pic.twitter.com/jlEjNl60LX
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
We started kissing. She started undressing me. “Waah, babe. Where and how did you get all this?”…I asked, no reply.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
By that time I should’ve known this bitch is about to get crazy but I was just there relaxed. I was in my boxers, kissing…kissing…
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I tried getting that corset off but there were laces everywhere like a footballers boot. Down and over each other like Thika super highway.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I gave up, she got down on her knees, gave me some mind-blowing blow job. I was like, mmmh then this BDSM shit ain’t that bad after all, eh?
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Then she got the blindfonds, put them on me and told me to lie on the bed, facing down. I did that, it was calm and relaxing.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She took two cuffs and locked each of my hands to the bed stands. Tied each of my legs to the other end of the bed with some leather straps.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
So me I was there my naked butt exposed pale, I hear her walking around the house, long silence…so what now?
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
The sound came first, then as I was trying to figure out what the fuck that was, ndio the pain started to register.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I’d been whipped fam, on my butt, so hard acha tu.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Then before I could react to that first one, another one came in…landing almost on the same spot the first one did. Christ!
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
A weird sound involuntarily left my mouth.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“Aah…wewe Kabu!!”…”What?” Ati ‘what’…this bitch asked me what fam. “That’s fucking painful” I quickly replied. Mistake bruh…
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Another whip came in. “Who gave you permission to curse here?” Aiyaiyai…this chic has lost it. What have I gotten myself now?
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
*Whip* “I’m talking to you!!” I got pissed… “Kabu hizi ni gani sasa, what is this?” *whip*
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“You want this to stop?” I’ve never heard her sound like that mahn, It’s like she was possessed. “Yes, just stop” another mistake fam…*whip*
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I went silent…another whip. Waah what in the actual fuck!! This one isn’t fucking around today.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
By the way, you know there is a way one’s body prepares itself for pain and that can only happen when you can at least see what is coming.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Now I’m blind-folded. I don’t know when that whip is gonna come so I’m just there with constantly clenched buttocks.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
So I started weighing my options.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Being stern is only gonna get her mad. I crossed that off. I can’t scream for help, people can’t rush here and find me like this.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Plus how do I even start screaming? Mashida tu
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Hapa ikabidi nimetii jamaa…I had to obey and go with her flow. But this bitch now decided to make things hard.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“Who am I?” She asked. “What?” answering a question with a question earns me a whip.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
And I didn’t know this chic was this strong, it was like she was lifting the whip up to Mars then bringing it down on me.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“I asked you, who am I?”…”You are Kabu”…makosa. But no whip came. Butt clenching tu.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“You know you are my slave, right? So what does that make me?” I racked my brain… “My mistress?” Aiyaiyaiyai
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
*Whip*, “Mistress is a word for weak bitches. I’m your master. Say it!” I didn’t want to delay the answer, “You are my master”.????
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“And what are you?” She was fierce. “I’m your slave.”
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I contemplated crying fam. I thought of cryyyiiing but even my manly tears didn’t want to come out and get mixed with this nonsense.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
My ancestors were in their graves like issa wrap… our lineage has gone extinct.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I could feel my son in my scrotum shaking his head like… “Tsk’, Dad’s a bitch yaani.”
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I’ll just take it and it will be over soon. I assured myself. Then she went silent, at least the whippings and the questions stopped.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Theeen something started vibrating. Waaah, this is the day I die. Now what is that? At this rate It can even be a mini-powersaw
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
The vibration got louder, then I felt her touch my thigh, then something touched my balls, it was a vibrator.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
This situation was so bad I was glad that there was a vibrator touching my balls fam. It could’ve been worse.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She took it round teasing me, going up and down.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
This bitch better not be trying to do something with my ass or I’ll break from these cuffs like Samson and square it off with her.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
“I want to hear you say it again,” I almost asked ‘say what’ then I figured, “You are my master”
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
She pulled away, and lied on my back facing upwards. She lied on that painful ass. And this chic was quite heavy.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
Then she started fucking herself with the vibrator. I was dating a devil fam
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
I’m down there hata I can barely breath and she is just moaning. Then she was done. Silence. She took off my blindfolds…finally.
— Curate Sex (@Sex__KE) January 29, 2017
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