Domestic Violence: You Don’t Have To Put Up With It

Yesterday evening, I was having a conversation with my friend on an interesting topic about issues that has to do with our daily lives when she mentioned a certain lady that just left her marriage which is barely a year old due to domestic violence. And this got me thinking, what could actually make a man want to beat up his wife or girlfriend?

Why would a girl choose to settle down with a man who beats her? Is it that in the days of dating or courting, you didn’t get to see that other side of him? Or like most ladies, you chose to turn a blind eye to all flaws? Dearie, did you always use these words “He will change when we get married or the usual excuse we make up like my love will change him”? Sister, if he beats you up while you guys are dating, what makes you think he won’t beat you when you are married to him?

You don’t have to put up with a man who doesn’t respect you as a lady even if it happens to be your spouse; you just need to walk away. It just drives me crazy when I read about all these on social media and also when I get to see my friends in that weak spot. If your husband or boyfriend feels the urge to satisfy his ego by turning you into a punching bag, you allowed it because you have the right to address it. You don’t have to keep quiet about brutality, you just have to run as fast as your legs can carry you.

At the early stage of dating, you notice that he slaps you when you make a little mistake, he gets cranky over tiny issues. He does not give room for your voice to be heard, sweetie, biko, end it. Life has no duplicate and don’t try to give that cock and bull story about how your love will be the cure to his disease. Wait, you haven’t heard the adage that says “A leopard never changes its spot”?

He will never change! That attitude is already in him; love or no love has nothing to do with it. Unless you want to end up like a vegetable in a soup, I suggest you make hay while the sun sets. If you are a dead meat, that brother you’ve been killing yourself for, will find the next available girl to infest his woes of misfortune.

Sometimes, these men can be very deceitful and crafty, some of them are experts when it comes to hiding their true colours. They can hide it so well in ways you can’t possibly imagine but you have to get to work, crank him up a little bit, no matter how sleek or smooth he is. He is definitely bound to make a mistake someday; you can’t hide bad character forever. A day is for the thief and another day is for the owner. It drives my point home which I will usually say in my dialect agwa ojo adigi ezoya ezo (bad character can never be hidden). So, crank him dearie and see whether you will like what you might find.

One of the problems in Nigeria today is that we try to please everybody and allow our religious belief to dictate for us. Sometimes, it could be our parents, friends and pastors. We are too religious and we tend to forget that there are things that require common sense.

I’m not trying to prejudice anybody but all I’m saying we shouldn’t allow anybody tell us what to do. People may disagree but you just have to take that bold step because it might be the only thing that will save you from that man.

It is advisable you test your man, find out what makes him tick and what gets him cranky that way, you know what to expect and what you are getting yourself into.

Here are some pointers:

• First, hide his expensive stuff, pretend you misplaced it and see the way he handles it. Did he handle it well or he flamed and screamed at you or even hit you? This is what I call the Anger Litmus Test.
• Secondly, does he try to shut you up in the middle of a conversation and feels your opinion doesn’t matter? Sister na so e dey take start.
• Thirdly, does he nag and complain about every single thing you do? Or find your little kind gestures offensive and annoying? Please love, take the next available door and be on your way home before it gets ugly.
• Lastly, is he the type of guy that hits you or spazzes out when he sees another guy admiring you? Honey, you don’t have to put up with that drama. Tell him to take it to his mama – not out loud please! LOL.