Naijapolitan Gal: Four Things Nigerian Women Do To Themselves & Blame It On Men

Human beings are often in denial at different points in their lives because it’s easier to blame somebody else for your woes than to actually take responsibility. When it comes to apportioning blames, us Nigerians are experts in denial, I mean, that’s one reason religion sells here and a thousand Messiahs spring up every second and you wonder why they have followers and diehard fans. People want to blame their hardships on something- village people, their stepmother, their neighbour, their ex, their work colleague, their ancient grandmother and men. Anyone else but themselves, no matter the terrible choices that might have made to end up in a rot. This week, I’ve rounded up some of the most ridiculous things Nigerian women blame on men.

• Abortions

Have you ever heard the ludicrous expression, “He left me for that slut after five abortions and everything I did for him”? chances are, when Nigerian women mention abortions and everything in one sentence, there really isn’t anything else apart from those abortions. Let’s get something straight: A grown woman enters a relationship with open eyes. indulges in the most basic of human pleasures without protection or any birth control method- like planting Egusi and expecting a harvest of watermelons- she becomes pregnant because it is the most likely outcome of a good romp on the bed or the kitchen floor or the couch or the mattress on the floor, depending on your poison and your means. When she discovers her pregnancy, she confronts the man in her life with the ‘problem’ she has just discovered. He professes undying love for her and his unborn child but he can’t afford a wedding just yet or he is not ready for marriage or whatever. She decides to terminate the pregnancy until they are ready but the same thing happens four more times because she failed to leave his childish ass or get birth control because her quack doctor tells her that “if its in your system, it can take up to five years to clear o and you might want a baby in another year”. Five years later, however, the guy meets a fresh-faced colleague and goes off with her and marries her in under a year and sistah becomes a statistic in our “Men are Scum” handbook.

Girl, please, own your shit. The abortions were for you. Have you heard of baby Mama? Or single mum? You just made a choice to be married before having babies but you failed to stop having sex or use a form of birth control while you were waiting for marriage. Can’t blame the man for this one.

• Sex/ Virginity

This has got the be the most ridiculous one. “I gave him my virginity and he broke my heart”. Tueh! Girl, you enjoyed the sex abi? if he didn’t rape you then you don’t have a case. Plus, I don’t know who raised you, but virginity is not a legal tender- its not vibranium- men don’t get magically transformed into gods for being your first lover so stop expecting the heavens to shake because you gave him sex. You don’t give somebody sex. You have sex because you want to. Two people are involved(unless you are inclined to crazier options) so stop thinking of sex as something that gets taken from you because that is actually debasing yourself. Being a man’s first has never been an issue. Most men don’t remember their first lay or carry the experience around like a trophy. Why in the world would you want to save yourself for marriage but hope for a man who has experience in that department?

I believe that chastity is a great thing- for a lot of obvious reasons but sex is wonderful and there is no shame in enjoying it and thinking of it as mutual give and take instead of a card to play in a relationship or something to mourn. It is not a man’s fault that you decided to sleep with him because whether you do it with him or not, if he’s going to leave you, it doesn’t matter if you were a virgin three times in a row- and the same should go for you. Don’t stay in a stupid relationship because you ‘gave’ him your virginity. Girl, please!

• Spending

A working woman meets a man she fancies but he’s unemployed (hey, 8 million youth are unemployed in Nigeria) so she decides to raise him up because that’s what you do for love, right? She spends money on him, gets him a job with her connections or starts a business for him so he starts doing well. One day, in the middle of an argument, she tells him that she picked him from the gutter and cleaned him up. He gets angry and drives away in the car she bought for him. She goes around telling people that men are scum. Seriously? How about all the women living off men all over the world? The ones who come into a marriage empty handed but start fighting for property once the marriage becomes shaky. Oh, it’s his responsibility to take care of you but when the tables are turned and you have to win the bread then it becomes headline news?

• Waiting

“I suffered with him for years and when he became rich he married someone else” uhm, did he ask you to wait? Did he know that you were waiting? Or did you just assume that you guys were on the same page without actually having a conversation to that effect. Sorry to bust your little bubble but I think you waited because you thought you couldn’t do better than his ass or he was so fine or you counted the years and told yourself that no other woman would reap from your colony. Like a wise woman once said, Okay, continue. You wait if you want to, because you are hopeful. Because you are too weak to leave. Because you were in love. Own it, Girl, own it.

Take care of each other